I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
