Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
