okay pat passed out under dana's car
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
