you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
