i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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