don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
