A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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