Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize