Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
