absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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