I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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