life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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