I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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