spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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