u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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