the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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