Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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