I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
