if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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