Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
