we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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