We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
