so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
