R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
