I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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