well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
