awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
