After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
