yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
