I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
