were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
