I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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