when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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