Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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