My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I deserve this hangover.
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