Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
