this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
