ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
