Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
