yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize