My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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