return my video game
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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