Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ttyl tear gas
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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