so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
