its not stalking. its research.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
