anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
soo... how was my night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
