i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
