Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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