I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This is classic penis vs brain.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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