So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
