Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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