Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
