Why are handjobs necessary in class?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
