Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
