I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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