i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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