guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
