had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
should my penis look like a turkey
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
