hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
