I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
