My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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