Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I understand Curling. That high.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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