I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize