Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
