apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
