Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
