Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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