operation harelip BJ is a go
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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