There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
