Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
