Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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