I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize