just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
