hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
