I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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